Last night I came home from a long day of work and socialization and I slid into the kitchen. As I reclined against the counter, I began to chat with my roommate and before I knew it it’s suddenly two hours later. How does that even happen?? Somehow she and I managed to discuss love, family, career, school, God, marriage, singlehood, summers, finances, etc and now that I think about it, I’m surprised two hours was all it took! But here’s the beautiful thing: we found peace.
All too often I get to thinking outside of my present. Frequently, I spend time in my past. So much has happened back there that I’m still processing, and I am constantly living in it. Living in the past is difficult because it is so tempting to live in those memories of pain and hurt. But I am a different person now, and I have a different goal. By spending time in my past, I am attempting to try and finally free myself from those sneaky little triggers that set me off. Sneaky little traps were set back there, and I need to find them and disengage them so I can live life with confidence in the now.
But this post isn’t about my past (for once). It’s about my future.
If I spend time in my past with intentionality, then I spend time in my future with massive uncertainty. I mean, who doesn’t? The thing about the past, is that we were there. We know the details of the story. With the future, there is no solid facts. It is a haze of ideas, plans, hopes, dreams, and fears. It is a story that is yet to be written. And for those of us who appreciate a little assurance in our lives, it can be hard to find rest in the future.
Which leads me back to last night’s conversation.
As I spoke my worries, dreams, and plans into reality by sharing them with a friend, they suddenly seemed more real. And that’s a little terrifying. But something came over me last night as we conversed. Suddenly the knot in my stomach relaxed and I realized that no matter what comes, or what I decide to do, it is already redeemed. My soul suddenly found rest by something that I can only label as the peace of God. And forgive me for being cliché, but:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” // Phil 4:6-7
You see, last night reminded me of something wonderful; that God is over all things, including my future. All I have to do is turn around and see how he was over all things, including my past. There is such a thrill in realizing that I can and will screw up, but that His joy over my victories far exceeds my shame over my mistakes. With this realization comes an blessed assurance that though I know not what the future holds, I know who holds my future, and I couldn’t be in better hands.